There has been much consternation in the news of late about, well, lying.

A major news anchor gloriously embellished on some experiences he had in a war zone.  A potential presidential candidate said her plane landed under attack, which turned out to be false.  A president promised that his healthcare law would not increase costs nor force anyone to leave their doctor…everyone knows how that turned out.

I could go on, but you get the idea.  So, when I was in Rome earlier this week on a secret mission for the CIA and MI6, I stopped by the Vatican to see Pope Francis and get his take on this whole dishonesty issue.  He was worried, but didn’t have a real answer beyond convincing people to tell the truth.

Frank is a busy guy, so I only planned to stay a couple hours, but seeing as how we’re best bros, it ended up a long chat over mate and dinner in his apartment.  I think everyone knows that he makes a mean pesto sauce.  He insisted on doing all the cooking, so I agree to do the dishes.  Benedict helped and was thoughtful enough to bring dessert.

It was quite an evening shared by close colleagues, except for the few minutes when I had to run over to the square to help the Swiss Guards subdue a hoard of ISIS assassins.  Thank goodness I was wearing my Kevlar undies; bullets were whizzing by my ears and I had to step in front of a couple elderly Cardinals and take six bullets to save them.

Fortunately, I got back to Frank’s apartment just as Bennie was slicing up the Bavarian torte.

Truth be told, the two Popes asked me to stay over and said I could stay in the Papal apartment – vacant these days, you know.  But I had to turn them down.  You see, I had a late meeting at a bar with Daniel Craig, who is my MI6 contact.  I know, he plays James Bond in the movies – but that is just a clever cover.  He really is a secret agent, or was until I published this.

Danny and I had a lot to discuss, what with the meeting the next morning with Vladimir…but that is another story.