There has been much consternation in the news of late about, well, lying.
A major news anchor gloriously embellished on some experiences he had in a war zone. A potential presidential candidate said her plane landed under attack, which turned out to be false. A president promised that his healthcare law would not increase costs nor force anyone to leave their doctor…everyone knows how that turned out.
I could go on, but you get the idea. So, when I was in Rome earlier this week on a secret mission for the CIA and MI6, I stopped by the Vatican to see Pope Francis and get his take on this whole dishonesty issue. He was worried, but didn’t have a real answer beyond convincing people to tell the truth.
Frank is a busy guy, so I only planned to stay a couple hours, but seeing as how we’re best bros, it ended up a long chat over mate and dinner in his apartment. I think everyone knows that he makes a mean pesto sauce. He insisted on doing all the cooking, so I agree to do the dishes. Benedict helped and was thoughtful enough to bring dessert.
It was quite an evening shared by close colleagues, except for the few minutes when I had to run over to the square to help the Swiss Guards subdue a hoard of ISIS assassins. Thank goodness I was wearing my Kevlar undies; bullets were whizzing by my ears and I had to step in front of a couple elderly Cardinals and take six bullets to save them.
Fortunately, I got back to Frank’s apartment just as Bennie was slicing up the Bavarian torte.
Truth be told, the two Popes asked me to stay over and said I could stay in the Papal apartment – vacant these days, you know. But I had to turn them down. You see, I had a late meeting at a bar with Daniel Craig, who is my MI6 contact. I know, he plays James Bond in the movies – but that is just a clever cover. He really is a secret agent, or was until I published this.
Danny and I had a lot to discuss, what with the meeting the next morning with Vladimir…but that is another story.