Self ordination

d4c8a7c409cd393670b84e98b691b7b9Earlier this week, I read that a woman in Kansas City was ordained to the Catholic priesthood.  I am skeptical.

I’m a pretty observant guy and I’m certain that nothing has changed that would suddenly allow a woman to become a Catholic priest (not even the Huffington Post saying it happened).  In fact, if you read the news coverage, the woman declares she is an ordained priest and the media report that the Church disputes her claim.  I guess that leaves it up to the reader to decide the truth.

Why would a woman essentially ordain herself?

A – Sincere (albeit misguided) desire to offer the sacraments to others.

B – Misplaced feminist pride.

C – Heard there was great pay and solid benefits (might want to check this one).

D – Just plain old run-of-the-mill lunacy.

I’m tempted to go with “D.”  But the truth is that if this sort of thing fools at least a substantial part of the population, it is a technique I might try.  I’m working on three news releases:

1 – Jim has been named the new starting quarterback for the Chicago Bears.  Although the Bears dispute his claim, he says he is the quarterback and several close friends agree.

2 – Jim has been named to replace Bono as lead singer for U2.  A spokesman for the group disputes the claim, but Jim says it is true and that he is taking guitar lessons.

3 – In a quiet ceremony involving several retired lawyers and a semi-senile judge, Jim has been sworn in as Member of Congress for the 6th District of Illinois.  Representative Peter Roskam of the 6th District disputes Jim’s claim, but Jim has graciously agreed to share the job with the sitting congressman.

Is it likely I’ll really get to be a professional athlete, rock star or major politician?  No.  But it is just as likely as that woman in Kansas City really being a priest.  And at least I have my dreams.

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