Making men meek

John_Wayne_-_1961The last thing any Ivy League school wants is a masculine male wandering around the campus.

This is the era of the sensitive, submissive, weakling.  And at Princeton, enlightened administrators are acting to make sure no latent John Wayne types get loose.

Yes, Princeton is hiring something called an Interpersonal Violence Clinician and Men’s Engagement Manager.  On the surface, the university appears to be determined to prevent stalking and rape.  But I think the real goal is to eliminate what some of the Princeton folks are calling “toxic masculinity.”

I’m not sure what toxic masculinity is and since I’m a man, I’m probably disqualified from defining it.  After all, I think guys like John Wayne act the way men are supposed to act.

But I believe I can provide a service that Princeton has yet to recognize it needs – help with rooting out toxic femininity.  The university isn’t hiring someone to work on that, so I recommend restrictions on coeds that can eliminate offensive behavior:

  1. No makeup.
  2. Hair may be no longer than six inches.
  3. Hair must be its natural color and may not be altered in any way. (If it is straight you can’t make it curly; if it is curly you can’t make it straight.)
  4. Eyebrows may not be tweezed.
  5. Nose hairs may not be trimmed.
  6. Armpits may not be shaved.
  7. Legs may not be shaved.
  8. No high heels.
  9. No skin shown below the collarbone or above the knee.
  10. No winking, smiling or giggling when in the presence of men.

I assume Princeton and its female students would have no problem with any of these rules, as they would help to discourage toxic masculinity through the reduction of toxic femininity.  This will make the campus less threatening to some – and more boring for all.

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