Fixing the Abhorrent Names of NFL Teams

Maryland_Hopkins_footballSeldom can I find anything positive to say about actions taken in Washington DC. But the team formerly known as the Washington Redskins of the National. Football League (NFL) has set an admirable model for every team in the league by changing its name to the Washington Football Team.

The old name was deemed offensive by some people; the new name is inoffensive to all but the few of us that cringe at the mention of the name Washington (when referring to the city rather than the founder of the country, although there likely are some who don’t like George Washington).

An analysis of the 32 teams that participate in the National Football League shows that each name is without doubt offensive to a good number of people. Therefore, all teams must follow the example of Washington and identify only by the name of their city.  Thus, The Chicago Bears would become the Chicago Football Team.  The New York Jets would become and New York Football Team. (This becomes complicated because there are two New York football teams, but since the Giants play in New Jersey; they can be the New Jersey Football Team.)

At this point, you may be thinking that most of the names of the teams in the league are innocuous and couldn’t possibly offend anything.  Therefore, I offer my concerns about each if the current team names:

  • Arizona Cardinals: This name ostensibly refers to a red bird. However, the mention of Cardinal brings to mind the hierarchy of the Catholic Church, which could offend Muslims, Protestants, and non-believers.
  • Atlanta Falcons: Hunters for centuries have trained Falcons to hunt and attack peace-loving and innocent birds and small animals. This is a bad example for our youth.
  • Baltimore Ravens: The mention of this dark and mysterious bird recalls the white poet Edgar Allen Poe, clearly a non-divers cultural symbol offensive to millions.
  • Buffalo Bills: If Redskins is an offensive name, how much more so a name that conjures up the memory of a man who ran a wild west show that included staged battles against Native Americans.
  • Carolina Panthers: Obviously, cultural appropriation of an animal that is black.
  • Cincinnati Bengals: Exploitation of an endangered species.
  • Chicago Bears: We really should not be glorifying an animal that has maimed and killed so many people over the years.
  • Cleveland Browns: I don’t think I have to explain this one.
  • Dallas Cowboys: Here we are honoring the invaders who murdered, pillaged, and stole from Native Americans.
  • Denver Broncos: Broncos are the poor animals that are mistreated in rodeos by, who else, the cowboys.
  • Detroit Lions: Christians should object to this glorification of the animals that were fed Christians in the Roman Coliseum.
  • Green Bay Packers: And what do they pack? Animals they have killed and chopped into little pieces.
  • Houston Texans: We really should not mention a state that occupies land stolen from Mexico.
  • Indianapolis Colts: Some think this is a reference to young horses, but it makes me think of the Colt guns used to kill and wound thousands of people.
  • Kansas City Chiefs: Another disgusting reference to Native Americans in a demeaning manner.
  • Los Angeles Chargers: This is another name that might be intended to refer to horses but in reality suggests the undisciplined use of credit cards.
  • Jacksonville Jaguars: Calls to mind an exclusive British car owned by the one percent.
  • Miami Dolphins: Clear exploitation of what many believe to be among the most intelligent of animals.
  • Minnesota Vikings: Why hold up as a positive example the group known for rape and plundering?
  • New England Patriots: Some believe these “patriots” worked to establish a country where slavery could flourish.
  • New Orleans Saints: Disgusting appropriation of Catholic culture.
  • New York Giants: How offensive to little people.
  • New York Jets: Jets are the weapons of war and destruction.
  • Oakland Raiders: A raider is one who plunders and the mere mention of the term is likely to trigger many of our more tender-hearted citizens.
  • Philadelphia Eagles: This bird, which noble to some, is also the symbol of a nation that has waged war around the world.
  • San Francisco Forty-Niners: A terrible celebration of greed and a passion for gold.
  • Seattle Seahawks: Perhaps this name was intended to refer to a bird but the Seahawk is the most sophisticated helicopter of the US Navy and is thus a weapon of war.
  • Pittsburgh Steelers: We talking about a rusty old industry that pollutes and causes dread disease in its workers.
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Buccaneers were horrible scoundrels who prayed on innocent settlers, particularly of Spanish background.
  • Tennessee Titans: This is a harmful reference to white mythology and likely offensive to many sensitive minority groups.
  • Washington Redskins: Already handled!

Anyone who has read this far may think some of my interpretations to be extreme, even silly.  However, we live in a time of rising secularism in which political correctness is the new religion. It is an intolerant and cruel religion where any deviation earns persecution and risks loss of employment and punishment by the press.

As ridiculous as my analysis may seem, don’t be surprised if some of the National Football Teams really do follow the lead of the Washington Football Team. After all, the owners, coaches, and players already are bending a knee to groups that would overthrow our nation.  Frankly, I can’t think of anything much more disgusting than taking a knee during the National Anthem.

I don’t have the power to bring athletes to their feet to honor their country. But I can do my small part to protest. Until the National Football League gets the courage to stand for what is true and right, I won’t be watching their games. And I expect I’ll have lots of company.

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