Used to be when you talked about the “facts of life” it meant that often awkward talk a parent has with a child.  You know the talk:  man and woman are different and because of those differences they can make a baby…don’t worry, I won’t go into further detail.

But it seems that in Alberta, the facts as I learned them no longer apply. In Alberta schools, whether someone is a boy or girl no longer is determined by their physical attributes, but how they feel on a particular day.

Today, I identify as a boy and thus use the boys’ bathroom.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll want to express my feminine side and use the girls’ bathroom.  Why bother to have two bathrooms?

If I’m an athlete, I can decide whether I want to play on the boys’ teams or the girls’ teams.  This begs the question of why, in this brave new world of no facts we have teams of different genders.  Why not just have everyone play on the school team?

OK…then some would argue that because boys are (generally speaking) bigger, stronger and faster than girls, pretty much only boys would get to play on school athletic teams.  But if you aren’t supposed to identify boys from girls, I guess you wouldn’t know if that happened.

Are you confused yet?

And while students can pick their gender, they can no longer have a mother or a father (although I’m pretty sure most of them do – at least biologically).

That’s right; schools are no longer to refer to mothers or fathers, hopelessly archaic terms, but to parents or caregivers.  Banned words include her, him, he, she, Mr., Mrs., Miss and Ms., all terms that suggest you are making a judgment about the person’s gender identify.  (I know, if it looks like a boy, walks like a boy, talks like a boy and acts like a boy…well that doesn’t matter anymore.)

Frankly, this is beyond silly.  I identify as male because, well, I am male.  And I hope my manner and attire always make that clear to those around me.

But I guess if I visit Alberta I’ll be an “it.”

Over the years, I’ve heard or read a question that always provokes my heart and mind.  It goes something like this:  “If you were arrested by an anti-Christian government, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”

Just to be clear:  I’m not especially brave, am seldom accused of great nobility and have no desire to die a martyr.  (You don’t have to be burned at the stake to get into heaven, or so I’ve been told.)

Just the same, I think real persecution is approaching and I want to remove any doubt by providing future prosecutors/persecutors all the evidence against me that they will need.  Here are a few of the things I believe:

• Everybody ought to obey all 10 of the 10 Commandments.
• St John Paul II got it right with his Theology of the Body.
• The world would be a better place if everyone followed the teachings in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
• Every human being deserves compassion and respect, but that doesn’t mean you accept everything they do or approve of everything they believe.
• Marriage is between one man and one woman.
• There are only two legitimate genders of human being: male and female.
• Christianity is a religion of peace; Islam is a religion of violence.
• Abortion is murder.
• Boys should use the boys’ bathroom; girls should use the girls’ bathroom.
• I want my priest to decide when I’m dead, not a government bureaucrat.

I would go on…but I figure this is enough.  I hear the heavy boots of the thought police approaching.

 

I’m not someone to help the government find new ways to regulate.  I believe that in most instances, when government tries to solve problems it makes them worse.

Perhaps there are good intentions, but government makes lots of bad results.

But despite that, I want to recommend that legislators in California expand a new law that kicks off this year and is embroiled in a heap of legal battles.

The law, Reproductive FACT Act, requires pro-life crisis pregnancy centers to inform their clients of places where they can get an abortion.  Put in blunter terms, if a pregnant woman shows up at a crisis center looking for help and is inclined to give birth to their baby, the center has to let them know that if they have a change (degeneration) of conscience, they can go to another place and get an abortion.

No, it isn’t logical and it doesn’t make sense – unless you are a in a state with a body of legislators and governor who think disposing of babies is a legitimate thing for government to promote.

But I really don’t want to get into that moral argument, which I can’t believe is yet under debate.  Instead, I propose to California lawmakers that if this law makes sense, there are other them must enact:

• Alcohol Awareness Act: would require all rooms that host meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous to post directors of nearby taverns in case a sober person decides that would like to return to drinking.
• Automobile Alternative Act: would require all Ford car dealers to post the phone number and address of the nearest Chevy dealer, despite their goal of beating their competition.
• Cavity Creation Act: would require dentists to post the directions to the nearest candy store; kids might decide they like sugar better than clear teeth.
• Religious Referral Act: would require pastors of Catholic churches to post the address of the nearest mosque, offering the faithful another approach.
• Library Licentiousness Act: would require libraries to post the address of the nearest adult book store (in instances where the library doesn’t already offer pornography).
• Embalming Enabling Act: would require hospitals to post the address of the nearest funeral home, just in case someone arriving at the emergency room decides they really don’t want help.

I know, I know.  These are quite ridiculous.  But are they any less ridiculous that requiring a service that is trying to save lives to refer its customers to a business that want to kill babies?

Joseph was an extraordinary ordinary Joe.

I’ve been thinking about him a lot this week as the year was winding down and I have drifted into new stages in life. Like Joseph, I’m a husband and father, although serving a comparatively minor role in the story of the human race.

Of course, the Joseph I’ve been thinking about is the husband of Mary, Mother of God.  Joseph doesn’t get many lines in the Bible, although he played a pivotal role in protect Mary and Jesus and forming the human part of Christ.  He accepted an expectant virgin as his wife and fled with her to a distant land when warned by an angel in a dream.

Pretty big stuff for a small-town carpenter, just an ordinary Joe.  But a saint.

And that’s why I’ve been thinking about him as I face the many challenges in my life:  wife and kids, aging parent, job, house with deferred maintenance, car need repairs and the acceptance that in my seventh decade the knees are a little weaker, the back a little sorer and I’ll finally have to let go of my dreams of playing in the NBA or fronting for a rock band.

Joseph reminds me what is important.  He never did anything notable by the standards of the world.  He just cared for his family and lived a hard-working life.  And 2,000 years later he is an inspiration to men around the world.

Maybe if I keep focused on the really important things in life I’ll be able to walk in his shadow.

One way to judge the fame of a person is to measure how many results come back from a Google search.

Searching today, I got 182 million for Barack Obama and 116 million for Hillary Clinton.  Donald Trump topped both with 217 million, not surprising for a man who appears to believe that any publicity is good publicity.

Pope Francis garners 132 million, fewer than a president but more than a president wannabe.

Mother Teresa trails the crowd with a mere 96 million. Of course, she is the only deceased person in this group.  And she is closer to sainthood that any of the others.  (Not to deny the miracles God can work, but I’m thinking only one of the others has the slightest chance of ending up a saint.)

The church doesn’t take Google numbers into account when deciding if someone is a saint.  The process is a bit more discerning, thorough and holy.  But the people who form the Body of Christ seem to have a pretty good eye for what makes a saint; nobody is surprised by Mother Teresa.  I think over the next few months she might top Trump in the Google eternity category.

I don’t get zombies.  More to the point, I don’t get the fascination many people have with them.

I’m not even sure exactly what they are:  dead people come back to life?  Live people going dead?  People who drink too much and trip over a bucket of blood?  Brain munchers?

I hope the people who dress up like zombies realize that zombies are not real.  Really…you can’t believe everything you see on television.

The zombie craze seems to have started in 1968, with George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead.  It was a low-budget film (which is easy to tell if you watch it) that became a cult classic.  That doesn’t ensure that it has any redeeming social value and to me it doesn’t.  But of course, I feel that way about many things that are wildly popular.

But zombies?

A couple days ago I saw an article about a small company that is producing a zombie nativity set.  (No, I’m not going to give you a link to the story or the company’s website; I don’t want to encourage anyone to actually buy the thing.)

My curious research into the fledgling field of zombie nativity revealed an entire American sub-culture I had missed.  You see, before there was the cute little zombie nativity set, some folks were  putting up zombie nativity scenes in their yards for (or perhaps against) Christmas.

If my mind was warped enough to think of a zombie nativity scene I certainly would actually put one up and prove to my neighbors that I’m a nut case.  And I have not seen any zombie nativities in my neighborhood.  (However, there are a couple folks who get really into Halloween decorations who might be thinking about it.)

I think Christmas should be a zombie-free zone.  I’m sure some people find a zombie nativity to be creative, funny and cutting edge.  To me, it falls somewhere between grossly offensive and just plain stupid.

It is evidence of Christianity continuing to be the only politically correct religion to ridicule.  Google images has a vast library of zombie Jesus pictures – there is one rather tepid zombie Mohammed illustration.  Taking on the Muslim religion would be more cutting edge, but not the cutting edge I’m looking for.

We’ll be putting up our nativity scene in a few days.  No zombies.  Just a holy family representing the hope of the world.

The Parable of the Lost Sheep. ^1 [a]The tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to listen to him, ² but the Pharisees and scribes began to complain, saying, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” ³ So to them he addressed this parable. ⁴ “What man among you having a hundred sheep and losing one of them would not leave the ninety-nine in the desert and go after the lost one until he finds it? ⁵ And when he does find it, he sets it on his shoulders with great joy ⁶ and, upon his arrival home, he calls together his friends and neighbors and says to them, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ ⁷ I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance. – Luke 15: 1-7

This is the verse that came to mind today as I read various opinions about the Syrian refugee crisis.  Should we let them in…should we keep them out…how many…how will they be vetted?

My first reaction was, frankly, fear.  I don’t know who they are and I don’t trust our national government to do a good job of finding out.

Then I found the verse about lost sheep meandering through my cranium I thought, hey, we have to help.  But I’m not sure a wide open door is really the best – or necessarily the Christian – response.

The good shepherd left the 99 to look for the lost one.  These folks from Syria certainly qualify as lost ones (except for those who may be more wolf than sheep).

Before the good shepherd went searching for the one, I’m betting he made sure the 99 were in a safe place with plenty of food and water.  He probably told his trusty dog to keep an eye on them.

What if he found the lost sheep in another shepherd’s flock?  Would he take the whole flock?  No.  He would take the one that was his responsibility.

What if the flock was abandoned?  Well…I’m thinking the good shepherd would have taken them and cared for them.  But out of concern for his own sheep, he likely would check to make sure the new arrivals were not sick.  He would make sure there were no wolves hiding among the lost sheep.

There are so many inflammatory statements floating about.  President Obama said that anyone who opposes Syrian refugees is against widows and children.  That is a ridiculous statement.  In fact, news reports show that more than 70 percent of the refugees are adult men, and some of them likely ISIS members.

After some rather tormented reflection, I came to the conclusion that is it reasonable to demand our government be extremely cautious about who comes into our country.  I want to help widows and children, but I want to make sure they don’t bring any bomb-tossing lunatics with them.

I want to be a good shepherd to the lost sheep – and the sheep already in my family.

Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls.
It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, 
Except for Lola. Lo lo lo lo Lola.  – The Kinks

This will be extremely politically incorrect, absolute proof to some folks that I’m a Neanderthal.  So be it.

I saw two news television commercials this week that are, to me, rather disgusting.  This puts me at odds with many in the popular media, who are fawning over the ads, calling them “heartwarming” and “sensitive.”

The first ad, for soup, features a little boy and his two fathers.  It tries to present a warm family scene with the two adult men each proclaiming their fatherhood in an imitation of a movie character.  I guess we’re supposed to be happy that two guys are raising this little boy in a celebration of gay domesticity.

As clearly stated in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, this is disordered.

The second ad features a boy playing with a new doll.  I’m not inspired.

No, there isn’t anything in the catechism about boys playing with dolls.  But it isn’t an activity likely to reinforce male strength.  And as insensitive as it sounds, men today don’t need any more encouragement about being sensitive.  We could use a good bit of masculine reinforcement.

I know.  It sounds so old-fashioned.  But we need manly men, men with the strength to show compassion and tolerance to every human being – but courage to live and state the truth.

Virgin Mary Barbie.  Crucified Jesus Ken.

No, it isn’t a joke.  It is part of an “art show” in Buenos Aires that features iconic Barbie (and Ken) dressed as various religious figures.

I suppose this had to happen.  There is a Barbie for nearly everything, which you can experience on her website.  Barbie is celebrated around the world.

To the manufacturer’s credit, you won’t find the controversial Virgin Mary and Crucified Jesus dolls.  As previously stated, they exist only in the art show.

The art show is generating controversy, which many art shows strive to produce.  As you might expect, some Catholics find the dolls disrespectful.  Others say the Catholic should lighten up and enjoy the show.

Muslims would complain if the show featured Ken as the prophet Mohammed.  But there is a limit to the bravery of the artists involved, so they don’t have any Muslim figures.  I guess they don’t want to be really, really controversial.

Like I said, this is an art show, so don’t expect to wander over to your local Walmart and buy a Virgin Mary Barbie.  But there are plenty of other options, like Haunted Beauty Zombie Bride Barbie.  She isn’t a joke – but she should be.

Last night, I turned left from North Avenue onto Wolf Road in Northlake, Illinois.  Absent delays, my wife and I would be on time for the 7 p.m. Mass at St John Vianney Church.

It was at that moment that the unexpected loomed before me.  Police cruisers guarded the driveways to the church parking lot.  A pair of burly cops prevented people from entering the church.  Lights flashed from squad cars and fire vehicles.  A line of people stretched for several blocks.

The authorities seemed to have blocked all access to my place of worship.

But I was thrilled. A miracle!

Our parish was hosting the relics of St Maria Goretti.  And so many people showed up that the fire chief was limiting how many could enter the church.

Having more people than the church could accommodate is not a problem we ever had before.  In fact, we typically have plenty of room for visitors.

To me, seeing my parish overflowing with the faithful was, well, a miracle.  And perhaps there was a second miracle last night; those waiting in line showed joy and patience.  Like me, they seemed to be excited that such a huge crowd appeared – even if it meant a long wait to venerate the relics of a remarkable saint.

If you don’t know the story of Maria Goretti, I recommend doing a little research. The headline version:  11-year-old girl defends her virtue from evil-intending neighbor, who stabs her to death, but she forgives him with her last breaths and he goes to prison, has a massive conversion, is released and goes into religious life and, perhaps, will one day be a saint as well.

Maria’s story is about forgiveness.  I believe the crowds last night show how many souls need and want forgiveness.  I’m also reminded how important to ask forgiveness from those I’ve hurt – and to forgive those who have hurt me.